I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
