just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
