So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
