I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
