My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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