If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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