____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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