He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
now i know why i became what i already was.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize