were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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