you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
