I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
