I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
