its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
