Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
