yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
