just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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