I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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