i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I didn't notice because vodka
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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