so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
