he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My vagina is very pro this idea
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