God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
