I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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