Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
