you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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