you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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