The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
