walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
