my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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