But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
