how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
