Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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