I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
