So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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