How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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