I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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