stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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