I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize