My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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