My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
