I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
