I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
