Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
