Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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