I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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