everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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