I need help removing her.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
