just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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