A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
