hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
