Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
