my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
