Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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