Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
