And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
