I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
