TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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