you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
