3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
