Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
