That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I smell stomach acid.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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