Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
