I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
