but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
